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The No. 1 Issue of No Sex In Your Relationship: Is Anyone Out There Having Sex?

AskDrArlene.com
sex,relationship,desire

Is anyone out there still having sex? Honestly, I know it is summer and hot hot hot out there, but c'mon people...surely you have the time and energy to conjure up a bit of sexy stuff with your partner! As they say, "Just Do It!"

Madonna's got it right when she sings,
"Gonna dress you up in my love, in my love All over your body, all over your body In my love All over, all over From your head down to your toes."

There ya go, remember what it feels like to be in lust?

In conversation with another mental health professional this week, I was startled to hear her corroborative report that none of her patients were having sex! Although she doesn't specialize in sexuality, the issues of low libido and desire were also raising their sad statistical little heads in her psychiatric arena of therapy.

The issues of low libido, lack of desire and simply falling out of love with a partner are in the top 3, of issues that present in my office. The reasons range from simply not being in the mood, to some personal affront or offense perceived by one or another of the partners, resulting in a sexless and guarded relationship.

Once anger and contempt enter the parameters of relationship, there is a black hole where the heart used to be. No love or intimacy can grow there in the dark.

Only through healthy communication can these problems in a relationship be "fleshed out" a term used in the therapeutic world. This meaning, being able to work through the hurts and disappointments that are always there in the world of relationship. Knowing how to fight fairly, not bringing up the past or throwing verbal zingers at your partner just to inflict pain or harm.

Before you're singing the song...you're already gone, I'm lonely, and find yourself begging your partner to stay, stop here please! These are the final stages of argument, where partners can make mistakes that are irreparable.

Professional help can often help partners sort things out and prioritize their relationship in a healthier more functional manner.

The statistical facts continue to support the fact that marriage and relationship is hard work. It is hard to keep sexuality and romance alive in relationship today. What can be done about it? Is sex still important after a few years together?

As a Clinical sexologist, I say, plenty can be done about it! And yes, sex is absolutely, totally, definitely, a necessity in relationship. There are a 1001 ways to show love, and enjoy a fully satisfying sexual life with your partner.

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Is Your Rabbit Green? A Safe Sex-Toy Guide

With the advent of the current green trend, did you ever wonder about the toxins in your sex toys? By the way, I'm hoping that this is not merely an organic trend or the politically correct way to be right now, but rather the new and only way for our future world. It is crucial that we all become aware of ways to save our beautiful planet earth, and keep ourselves safe and healthy as well.

So then, what of this current awareness of toxic sex toys? Well, it seems that many popular erotic toys are made of polyvinyl chlorides (PVC) , plastics long decried by eco-activists for the toxins released during their manufacture and disposal. These plastics are softened with phythalates, a controversial family of chemicals. These include the inviting soft "jelly" or "cyberskin" sex toy items that have become so popular in the last few decades.

Although the earlier models, such as the infamous "Rabbit" were made with PVC plastics, it was difficult for many of the larger stores to carry plenty of items and yet avoid PVC. It was ultimately cheaper and the educated consumer had yet to reach the awareness plateau that exists today of green products, ie. soaps, detergents, linens, sheets, foods, and yes, sex toys!

Most have tried a sex toy once or twice. That great smell of your brand new plastic toy is basically the new toy "off-gassing", meaning it's releasing VOC's into the environment. The problem with VOCs? Organic compounds are the basis of all living things and contain carbon as their principal element. VOCs, in contrast, are chemical compounds that vaporize at room temperature.

They are suspected carcinogens, meaning that they can cause cancer when you breath them in. So consider what damage you can be doing when you put these "safe" plastic sex toys in your "vajayjay"... as Oprah would say!

Even scarier, sex toys are unregulated, meaning that there are no guidelines for manufacturing, no requirements to disclose what materials are involved in manufacturing and no regulatory body that governs what plastics and chemicals are used.

With all the recent press highlighting the indiscretions and backstabbing policies of Big Business and the banking world, do you really expect your sex toy company to be a bunch of angels?
This all means that you must become an educated consumer. This includes investigating, reading, and knowing what you put on or in your body, from food to sex toys!

Also, an important note. We all need to push for regulatory action on the hazardous chemicals in all consumer products. A funny thing, these chemicals like phythalates, which were recently banned by the government in the children's toys , are yet still a problem in our adult toys.

Finally, after much research, we were able to find several 100% organic products with five star ratings such as The Rosebud and The Rabbit Habit (not to be confused with The Rabbit). We found a store with an excellent selection of these and other toys and adult novelty products called Eden Fantasies.

Simply click on the banner on the upper-right hand side of this blog. At checkout enter coupon code "SAVE10" for a 10% discount. This is a very trusted firm.

Dr. Krieger, PhD is known as America's 2nd Favorite Sexologist and runs a
thriving practice in Boca Raton, Fl. She offers phone therapy worldwide as well.

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The No.1 Way to Know If I Should Stay in this Relationship?

askdrarlene.com
relationship, sex, intimacy, love

This is again, one of the No. 1 questions that patients want to know in Sex therapy sessions. Of all of the issues of love, lust, libido, relationship, sex and intimacy in relationship...most everyone at one time or another asks this question.

My response is, that with faith, love and hope, anything worth fighting for can be fixed!

I always ask my patients to think back to what it was that attracted them to each other to begin with. In other words, what little nuances like, the way the other person smiled, or was easy to be with...or perhaps was kind to animals and strangers, or always offering to help out those in need.

These types of personal and behavioral characteristics are what makes up the charm or charisma that you were most likely first drawn to upon the first encounters with your partner.
Once into the grit and grind of daily life however, it is all too easy for us to lose site of what it was and is that we adored most about our lovers.

So to the question of how to know if this is for real? Whether you're dating, living together, or married for just several years or 50...the key to knowing if you're in the right place is simple.

No. 1 - Do you respect the person you are sitting across from at the dinner table, or sleeping next to in bed at night?

It is crucial that you think this one over for awhile, before you jump in to answer. If you have had a recent argument or don't like the color your wife has painted the house, thats a disagreement, not a life determining factor that should make or break the relationship.

We all fight, in fact, it is those couples that "don't fight" that truly worry me. Fighting fairly is a way of communicating and is healthy as long as certain rules are followed. This means no bringing up the other persons past, no back stabbing or name calling, nor undermining the other person. To fight fairly can be learned, these skills are available and should be utilized in order to prevent harm that can sometimes not be repaired.

Words spoken in anger can cut as sharp as any knife and wound your loved one to the core. For some, they can easily forget and forgive, for others...those words hastily spewed will resonate in their minds forever, ultimately killing the love and respect in the relationship.

If you as a couple, can find your way back to one another, by way of healthy communication, consideration for the others feelings, by allowing your partner to speak their truth, without fear of retaliation... or judgment, then you've taken the first steps to re-connecting with your partner.

Hopefully, you will find the love, respect, and devotion that was first there in your relationship.
These attributes are not something to be taken for granted. They must be nurtured, implemented and planted in your relationship on a daily basis, just as you would care for a delicate orchid.

The heart has a mind of its own, yet knows when it truly loves and receives love back. Being truthful about these delicate matters is not always a painless experience. However, moving forward and building on your love is the only way to grow a beautiful and thriving relationship.

In Love and Light,
Dr. Arlene

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