www.bocatherapy.com
love, relationship, Valentines Day 2009

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,The crystal goblet and the wine...-Jacques Crickillon

You are the bread and the knife,the crystal goblet and the wine.You are the dew on the morning grassand the burning wheel of the sun.You are the white apron of the baker,and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,the plums on the counter,or the house of cards.And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,but you are not even closeto being the field of cornflowers at dusk.
And a quick look in the mirror will showthat you are neither the boots in the cornernor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,the evening paper blowing down an alleyand the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the treesand the blind woman's tea cup.But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.You are still the bread and the knife.You will always be the bread and the knife,not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

Personal note: Thank you Donn for the
beautiful poem on this Valentines Day.

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Valentines Day: He Loves Me He Loves Me Not?

sex, intimacy, relationship
bocatherapy.com


It’s that time of year again when all is ok with the world and we are all in love! Valentines Day is coming!!!! All of our romantic dreams will come true! Our lovers will understand us, hear our deepest thoughts, validate our existence in this crazy world and love us deeply until the end of eternity.

Arrrgghhhhh! REALITY CHECK: Our nation is in crisis, yet we are trying to make sense of it all. Lovers and couples have much more on their plates than simply attending to daily issues of their marriages, partnerships and relationships. Marriages and relationships are in trouble more than ever now.
Fear of losing everything we’ve ever worked for, insecurity of not being able to provide for your family, and the resulting behaviors of arguing non-stop are all taking their toll on relationships~

Homes, jobs and even our relationships are at stake in this economy. These economic issues are spilling over onto our dinner tables, and seeping into our bedrooms. These changes in the world are affecting our personal lives more than we realize. It is impossible to live in this world without confronting stressors in our daily lives. However, everyone has a breaking point, a place somewhere on the continuum of life where ‘overload’ occurs and you “just can’t take it anymore.” This is the statement heard most often in my therapy office the past few months. We are satiated, overwhelmed by financial issues, arguments over paying the bills, the pulling apart and separation of the “coupledom” of the relationship.

Where is the romantic partnership that we thought we had? What happened to that man/woman that we fell in love with so long ago? Doesn’t he/she love me anymore? Am I still attractive to my partner, don’t they desire me anymore? “We’ve been together for 5….10……20….years and the spark is just not there any longer” these are the greatest concerns of men and women in relationship today. This month I am featured in the cover story of Boca Magazine’s February 2009 issue- “15 Ways To Say I Love You.” I speak of ways to “Spice It Up” in relationship. Most importantly is the fact that “couples must realize that romance is an absolute. You have to re-create the relationship on a daily basis. Yes, it’s work. But so is getting dressed in the morning and making breakfast.”

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Have You Been Naughty or Nice? Santa's Coming To Town!

Tags: American Academy of Clinical Sexologists, board vertified clinical sexologist, boca raton, charity, chirstmas, deerfield beach, delray beach, Dr. Arlene Krieger, holidays, licensed marraige and family therapist, marraige and family therapy, marraige counsling, men's health, new years, palm beach, sex therapist, sex therapy, therapist, west palm beach, women's health

“Snow is snowing, wind is blowing …I can weather the storm, what do I care how much it may storm…got my love to keep me warm” Can’t remember worse December watch those icicles form….what do I care…icicles form… got my love to keep me warm.. off with my overcoat off with my gloves…who needs an overcoat I’m burning with love.. .My hearts on fire, flame grows higher…I will weather the storm….”
Frank Sinatra

The holiday season is upon us again as the sweet smell of Frasier fir and cinnamon pine cones waif through the air. In Florida the Christmas trees stands, eggnog and gingerbread lattes on the menu board at Starbucks are the few clues that the holidays are near.
Along with the excitement, decorations and spirit of the holidays, also comes the burdens. With the current state of our economy, many without jobs, our men and boys away in the military, for many these holiday weeks will be a very stressful time of the year for most.
It is important to sit back in times like this and reconsider what the true meaning of the holidays implies. Being together with loved ones, acknowledging what we are grateful for, and the selfless joy of giving to others is a greater gift than any store bought present that could make your Christmas bright.
The state of being happy and filling your heart with joy never truly comes from external things. Instead of feeling lonely because you don’t have friends or loved ones near, your energy and time is better put to use with a plan to accomplish something good, to envision trees of green rather than the empty branches of winter. Now is a time for opportunity to help someone else in this wonderful world. Saying I love you can be accomplished in numerous ways. Receiving the loving energy of sharing and helping others is also great food for the soul. It is often human nature to feel sorry for ourselves, what the heck we are only mere mortals. See if your neighbor needs help, volunteer at your local church or synagogue, and donate to your favorite charity.
It’s that time of year when the world falls in love. Wishing you and yours a peaceful and blessed holiday, and May your New Year dreams come true.

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I've Fallen (IN LOVE) And I Can't Get Up!

askdrarlene.com
Bocatherapy.com
sexual health, intimacy, relationships


While on a social networking site that I also post articles on, I came across another members recent post describing her overwhelming feelings of pain and angst over a lost love. Her powerful writings described feelings of falling hard, unrequited love, yearnings for comfort, tossing blindly and her willingness to walk into the fire to be reunited with her lover.

As a little girl I remember all too well the feelings of being dumped by Bobby, my kindergarten boyfriend for little blond Karen, his newest conquest. Although I grew up, fell madly in love myself and lived the all American dream for a few years, the bubble burst and I ended up a single parent of three. As I often tell my patients in my private practice here in Boca Raton, Florida (http://www.bocatherapy.com/) love is not for the timid. In order to love one must be willing to risk. With risk comes thousands of possibilities of outcome. There are no guarantees in life or love. So if you are bold enough to take that giant leap of faith, there are still ground rules for searching for Mr. or Mrs. right!

We all want that love that makes us feel like we're home. Somebody to hold, share in our dreams and disappointments. On the '"jouney of love" most often, the prince charmings and sleeping beauty princesses end up to be diamonds in the rough for most of us. So often I hear the phrase, "I don't want to settle." My advise to you is Don't Ever Settle! True love is not about "settling" in order to say that you're in love or not be alone on a Saturday night.

So instead of reaching out for a phantom love or talking to yourself about what a cold, cold road it is out there, do something about finding that one great person to share your life with. The author on gather.com described her feelings of unrequited love as:

"I am sitting here at my computer waiting as usual for him to email me, I have a feeling he won't. This is hard to write and as I do the tears start once more, I have cried over him so many times. I met someone who after talking with for several month's, almost everyday, came to love. Now how silly is that?
I know I am being silly, but it's true. I told him many times how I feel, he thought it was nice, but was honest from the start telling me he did not feel the same way. So I made a fool of myself . Can someone tell me how do you get over someone you love, but dosn't love you? It hurts terribly and my heart is broken. "

If you're waiting for a change of heart sitting at the edge of your seat expecting your relationship to turn around for the better as the author above, you'll be waiting for a long, long time. People don't usually "change." What you see is what you get in most situations involving love and relationship. Thinking about those lonely nights waiting for someone's call is useless energy that could be better spent in a productive manner and leading you to a fulfilling relationship.

KEYS TO LETTING GO AND MOVING ON FOR THOSE THAT HAVE "FALLEN (IN LOVE) AND CAN'T GET UP."

1. Let go and move on when you don't get back what you put into the relationship.

2. Spending countless hours waiting for someone to call makes you the fool, not him/her.

3. Recognize that you're a unique and valuable person, seek out someone who recognizes you for your worth.

4. Wasting time on someone that doesn't show you respect or consideration is a go nowhere situation.

5. Communication is crucial, when someone tells you who they are, Believe Them!

6. Don't believe you're in love because there is an empty space in your life, develop some basic boundaries

7. If you are at any level of dis-comfort, speak your truth, give your partner a chance to step up to the plate, and if you don't get your needs met, then move on!

Life is not a dress rehearsal as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Go Fishing and find your happiness!

In Love and Light,

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

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The Black and White Cookie Syndrome of Relationships!

askdrarlene.com
sexual health, intimacy, relationships

Hello Readers,

I've been away visiting with my daughter in New York city. She is a young doctor in the city and among the ranks of those "dating" in Manhattan. Over breakfast one morning, we were discussing the issues of relationship and what attracts people to one another. There seem to be some basic correlations in the dating and mating process no matter what generation is at hand.

The conversation turned to peoples likes and dislikes and ultimately to aspects of relationship. As I nibbled on a black and white cookie, it reminded me that just as the movie character Forest Gump referred to life as being like a "box of chocolates", I tend to see relationship as that of the "black and white cookie syndrome."

My daughter looked at me with that look of the empirical mind of a surgeon, and asked what the black and white cookie had to do with relationship? She doubted that I could actually create a blog on the subject, so here's to you my darling daughter.

I received a call from her yesterday to alert me to the fact that she saw the recently printed article where I was interviewed for an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. As a "relationship expert" and Clinical Sexologist, my opinion as Arlene Krieger, PhD. was quoted in the November 2008 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. The front page article in this issue is titled, "Times You Shouldn't Text a Guy." (pg. 44) As a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, I am always in motion, in the flow of research, seminars, actively looking for the newest and latest information to help my patients.

Many patients are referred to my practice by gynecologists, urologists and other medical doctors that are also hoping to help their patients. Sex therapy is a very specific specialty and it is good to see that the medical profession is accepting it as part of the integral and comprehensive treatment for their patients.

The black and white cookie analogy represents the differences we all tend to perceive as human beings. Just as in the medical professions, traditional doctors tend to view life and medical issues differently than many of the holistic doctors. These various climates of thought are often confusing to the patients. It is then up to us as individuals to make educated and rational choices, to be responsible for our own physical and mental health.

It is the same process of choosing Relationship that often lends itself to states of conflict and confusion. With the "Black and White cookie" theory, the question arises, why do we have to like chocolate over vanilla or vanilla best over chocolate? Which side of the cookie do you go for first? Do you ever mix it up and eat half of one and half of the other, do you cheat and claim to be a chocolate lover, and yet intermittently break off little bits of the white side of the cookie? Can our individual taste choices be judged here? Would one ever dare to chastise another for their cookie preferences?

The real issue in choosing your partner and getting along with the choice of "cookie" that you made, is in the why,how and what of your choices. People make these most important choices of all, whom you plan on spending the rest of your life with, often based on poor reasoning. This ultimately ends up in the demise of their relationship or marriage.

It is of utmost import to realize exactly which side of the black and white cookie you stand for! If you are a vanilla icing kind of girl, no matter how much you try to rationalize it, you're never going to be at that necessary comfort level with Mr. Chocolate! Although he may talk a convincing story about the rich, dark chocolate wonder of life, you may not be able to live outside of your cool creamy vanilla understanding and existence of your own values and traditions.

We often tend to make our right another's wrong. Its not that simple. Of course if two people are attracted enough to one another to try and build a relationship there will have to be compromise. However, make sure that you choose the familiar side of the cookie before you embark on this most interesting road to romance and lifetime committment.

In Love and Light, Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

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The No.1 Way To A Fulfilling Relationship: Choosing Love

askdrarlene.com
dating, intimacy, relationship, love, sex

Excerpt from: Secrets Of Love Lust and Loss
by Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

How can you be missing someone that never existed? No matter how much you hoped for or pretended that things weren't all that bad, you find that you're alone without your partner. Seeking a rock to stand on you've taken all you can bear and climbed up and out of the relationship.

Your memory will try to play tricks on you for awhile. All you can remember is the last time your lips touched or the final words said to each other. Nothing else seems to matter, how can things be right with the world when your lover has turned her/his back on you. After all, you gave them your heart, your love, your soul energy for gods' sake! Perhaps you thought you heard them whisper words of love and intent, but perhaps it was just your own imagination blowing in the wind.

There seems to be no relief in sight and you can't forget what it was like in their arms. You gave away your heart and all you got back was indecision and doubts.

HOLD ON! STOP!

All that you wanted out of a relationship doesn't have to end in this type of scenario!
There are some key relationship tools that can help you to see who you are, how you got there, and how not to go towards a negative relationship again. Here are a few brief guidelines to put you on that road to happiness, finally realizing healthy and whole relationships.

Don't be discouraged, it's harder than you think in this world full of so many personalities and values, to find your true love. What's done is done, however there is somebody out there for everyone. The perfect relationship can't be ordered up like Latte' at your favorite Starbucks.

The Relationship Tools:

No.1 - Choosing a partner
WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM

No. 2- Dating vs. The Booty Call or Multi-Task Daters-
FIND OUT IF THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING IS EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE

No. 3- Respect your own values and know what your boundaries are
IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU'LL FALL FOR ANYTHING

No.4- The Spirit and Soul Connection
NOTICE HOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH HOLDS YOUR HAND, YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR SPIRIT

These are some basic rules of thumb for not being the victim in any relationship. The heart has a mind of it's own and you can only control yourself, no one elses emotions. If you are not getting your needs met, get out. People don't usually change. What you see is what you get.

Your partners should be considerate and respectful of who you are as a person. Love and relationship is not about what you can get from another person, but rather, true love and caring for someone is about wanting the best for your partner.

The test of whether or not you are choosing the right partner is simple. Are you at ease? Does this person lift your spirits, do you feel good about yourself when in the presence of your partner? Do you both want the same things out of life? Choose carefully, relationship is a sacred and special sharing of energy between two people, two unique souls.

In love and light...
Dr. Arlene

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Love: Quotations From The Heart

askdrarlene.com
intimacy, relationship, sex, love

Love is the most personal of emotions. It is our reason for being, and one of the most purposeful reasons for living. Most of us feels love at some point in time in their life. Whether it is the love of a parent, child, sibling, peer, or personal partner, each of us feels love and expresses love differently. Everyone that loves is unique and all lovers create their own singular world.

We all have our own personal dreams, those that bring us together, and those that break us apart. All lovers must first and foremost share the courage to be in love.

A loving relationship is the delicate merging of two souls. The old adage of those that don't risk in life may never gain or know success. The same is true in the game of love. There is risk in loving another human being, however there is no more powerful magic in all of the universe than that of being in love.

Without hope or the courage to risk it all for love, that ship may pass in the night without leaving even a ripple on your map of life.

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