I've Fallen (IN LOVE) And I Can't Get Up!

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Bocatherapy.com
sexual health, intimacy, relationships


While on a social networking site that I also post articles on, I came across another members recent post describing her overwhelming feelings of pain and angst over a lost love. Her powerful writings described feelings of falling hard, unrequited love, yearnings for comfort, tossing blindly and her willingness to walk into the fire to be reunited with her lover.

As a little girl I remember all too well the feelings of being dumped by Bobby, my kindergarten boyfriend for little blond Karen, his newest conquest. Although I grew up, fell madly in love myself and lived the all American dream for a few years, the bubble burst and I ended up a single parent of three. As I often tell my patients in my private practice here in Boca Raton, Florida (http://www.bocatherapy.com/) love is not for the timid. In order to love one must be willing to risk. With risk comes thousands of possibilities of outcome. There are no guarantees in life or love. So if you are bold enough to take that giant leap of faith, there are still ground rules for searching for Mr. or Mrs. right!

We all want that love that makes us feel like we're home. Somebody to hold, share in our dreams and disappointments. On the '"jouney of love" most often, the prince charmings and sleeping beauty princesses end up to be diamonds in the rough for most of us. So often I hear the phrase, "I don't want to settle." My advise to you is Don't Ever Settle! True love is not about "settling" in order to say that you're in love or not be alone on a Saturday night.

So instead of reaching out for a phantom love or talking to yourself about what a cold, cold road it is out there, do something about finding that one great person to share your life with. The author on gather.com described her feelings of unrequited love as:

"I am sitting here at my computer waiting as usual for him to email me, I have a feeling he won't. This is hard to write and as I do the tears start once more, I have cried over him so many times. I met someone who after talking with for several month's, almost everyday, came to love. Now how silly is that?
I know I am being silly, but it's true. I told him many times how I feel, he thought it was nice, but was honest from the start telling me he did not feel the same way. So I made a fool of myself . Can someone tell me how do you get over someone you love, but dosn't love you? It hurts terribly and my heart is broken. "

If you're waiting for a change of heart sitting at the edge of your seat expecting your relationship to turn around for the better as the author above, you'll be waiting for a long, long time. People don't usually "change." What you see is what you get in most situations involving love and relationship. Thinking about those lonely nights waiting for someone's call is useless energy that could be better spent in a productive manner and leading you to a fulfilling relationship.

KEYS TO LETTING GO AND MOVING ON FOR THOSE THAT HAVE "FALLEN (IN LOVE) AND CAN'T GET UP."

1. Let go and move on when you don't get back what you put into the relationship.

2. Spending countless hours waiting for someone to call makes you the fool, not him/her.

3. Recognize that you're a unique and valuable person, seek out someone who recognizes you for your worth.

4. Wasting time on someone that doesn't show you respect or consideration is a go nowhere situation.

5. Communication is crucial, when someone tells you who they are, Believe Them!

6. Don't believe you're in love because there is an empty space in your life, develop some basic boundaries

7. If you are at any level of dis-comfort, speak your truth, give your partner a chance to step up to the plate, and if you don't get your needs met, then move on!

Life is not a dress rehearsal as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Go Fishing and find your happiness!

In Love and Light,

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

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The Black and White Cookie Syndrome of Relationships!

askdrarlene.com
sexual health, intimacy, relationships

Hello Readers,

I've been away visiting with my daughter in New York city. She is a young doctor in the city and among the ranks of those "dating" in Manhattan. Over breakfast one morning, we were discussing the issues of relationship and what attracts people to one another. There seem to be some basic correlations in the dating and mating process no matter what generation is at hand.

The conversation turned to peoples likes and dislikes and ultimately to aspects of relationship. As I nibbled on a black and white cookie, it reminded me that just as the movie character Forest Gump referred to life as being like a "box of chocolates", I tend to see relationship as that of the "black and white cookie syndrome."

My daughter looked at me with that look of the empirical mind of a surgeon, and asked what the black and white cookie had to do with relationship? She doubted that I could actually create a blog on the subject, so here's to you my darling daughter.

I received a call from her yesterday to alert me to the fact that she saw the recently printed article where I was interviewed for an article in Cosmopolitan magazine. As a "relationship expert" and Clinical Sexologist, my opinion as Arlene Krieger, PhD. was quoted in the November 2008 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. The front page article in this issue is titled, "Times You Shouldn't Text a Guy." (pg. 44) As a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, I am always in motion, in the flow of research, seminars, actively looking for the newest and latest information to help my patients.

Many patients are referred to my practice by gynecologists, urologists and other medical doctors that are also hoping to help their patients. Sex therapy is a very specific specialty and it is good to see that the medical profession is accepting it as part of the integral and comprehensive treatment for their patients.

The black and white cookie analogy represents the differences we all tend to perceive as human beings. Just as in the medical professions, traditional doctors tend to view life and medical issues differently than many of the holistic doctors. These various climates of thought are often confusing to the patients. It is then up to us as individuals to make educated and rational choices, to be responsible for our own physical and mental health.

It is the same process of choosing Relationship that often lends itself to states of conflict and confusion. With the "Black and White cookie" theory, the question arises, why do we have to like chocolate over vanilla or vanilla best over chocolate? Which side of the cookie do you go for first? Do you ever mix it up and eat half of one and half of the other, do you cheat and claim to be a chocolate lover, and yet intermittently break off little bits of the white side of the cookie? Can our individual taste choices be judged here? Would one ever dare to chastise another for their cookie preferences?

The real issue in choosing your partner and getting along with the choice of "cookie" that you made, is in the why,how and what of your choices. People make these most important choices of all, whom you plan on spending the rest of your life with, often based on poor reasoning. This ultimately ends up in the demise of their relationship or marriage.

It is of utmost import to realize exactly which side of the black and white cookie you stand for! If you are a vanilla icing kind of girl, no matter how much you try to rationalize it, you're never going to be at that necessary comfort level with Mr. Chocolate! Although he may talk a convincing story about the rich, dark chocolate wonder of life, you may not be able to live outside of your cool creamy vanilla understanding and existence of your own values and traditions.

We often tend to make our right another's wrong. Its not that simple. Of course if two people are attracted enough to one another to try and build a relationship there will have to be compromise. However, make sure that you choose the familiar side of the cookie before you embark on this most interesting road to romance and lifetime committment.

In Love and Light, Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

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