Valentines Day~The True Meaning of Love

Askdrarlene~ subject matter: valentines day and love

Podcast: http://www.610wiod.com/cc-common/podcast.html
Click on the above podcast to listen LIVE to Dr. Krieger's Valentines day interview
on Miami's WIOD 610

ALL I REALLY NEED IS LOVE, BUT A LITTLE CHOCOLATE
NOW AND THEN DOESN'T HURT ~ Lucy Van Pelt - 'Peanuts'

That time of year is once again upon us where our women and men are expected to show their love and affection for one another. The burden however is in reality, truly placed on the big broad shoulders of our men! Our men are expected to be spontaneous, charming, and romantic, while also preserving their manly dignity, peace of mind, and bank account still intact!
So begins the tedious task of magically producing that one special gift that communicates all three of these heartfelt virtues.

A question often asked by men and women on a holiday such as Valentines Day is, should the token of a persons affection reflect its meaning through the cost of the gift?

In today's world we have become too self-centered, and materialistic forgetting completely what a gift means! This is a topic that amazes me on any holiday. If you are being judged by the cost of the gift you give, then the person who is receiving it is simply, quite honestly not worth it.

A gift should be given from the heart not because a holiday or a person demands it. The TV media has blasted us with the " Love is as Eternal as a Diamond " commercials, until we feel "less than" if not sporting 3 carats of bling or more. Love is not measured in gems, or cash or expensive chocolates. Love is measured on how you look at each other, how you feel when your lips meet and most of all how you treat each other every single mundane day of your lives.

Although it is nice to get gifts, it is important to keep in mind, what kind of gift is it that creates stress and debt? A simple flower is perfect but to spend nearly a hundred dollars on roses that will wilt in a week, does this make sense?

The best gift, especially on Valentines day, is given from the heart. It's a card made from a child or breakfast made from your spouse, its a special kiss at the end of a long day. The stress of putting upon expectations on a loved one for what you selfishly want is counter-productive. It screams, I only love you for what you will or can give me.

Some Helpful Hints to avoid last minute gift blunders:

*Avoid gifts such as-i.e tickets for fishing tournament, or a set of 'Porno Flicks'
*Avoid gifts that imply the house needs cleaning...i.e. new vacum cleaner, new broom or mop
*Don't be daring and give perfume if she hasn't hinted at exactly the brand she wears....
*Don't buy your significant other a subscription to Men's Health or Popular Mechanics
*Avoid self-help books on 'Saving your Relationship' or 'How to have a Better Sex Life'

Finally, the tried and true gifts, flowers, jewelry and candy ...that have served man well over the generations, seem to always be truly appreciated. Simple, yet elegant. Don't be afraid however, to think outside the box- Life is not always a box of chocolates- You can break from tradition if you find something that is truly romantic and has sentimental value to both of you.

If you follow these tips, you'll have a happy partner and Valentines Day with a loving reason to be in each others arms!

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FYI- Internet Dating Statistics & 50+ Facts

Ask Dr. Arlene~ dating

Internet Dating Statistics- and 50+ facts

I thought these statistics would be of interest to those 50+ and in the internet dating scene:

*Two-thirds of adults between the ages of 50-64 use the Internet (Burst! Media, 2006).
In their quest for love and companionship, computer users aged 55+, accounted for 16.7% of all traffic to on-line personal sites (Internet research firm, Nielsen/NetRatings, 2006).

*The 50+ segment is the fastest growing group of subscribers for on-line dating (Lehman Brothers Equity Research, February 2007).

*Women and men 50+ are using on-line dating and relationship websites because the stigma of an on-line personal ad is fading, and their adult children are leading them to on-line dating (AARP, December 2005).

*Seventy-four percent of the 10 million Internet users have pursued their romantic interests on-line (Pew Internet and American Life Project March 2006).

*Thirty-one percent of American adults - 63 million people - say they know someone who's used a dating website (Pew Internet and American Life Project March 2006).

*Twenty-six percent of American adults - 53 million people - say they know someone who's gone on a date with a person they met on a dating website (Pew Internet and American Life Project March 2006).

*Fifteen percent of American adults - 30 million people - say they know someone who's been in a long-term relationship or married to someone she or he met on-line (Pew Internet and American Life Project March 2006).

*Singles spent $550 million in 2004 on on-line dating sites; $469.5 million in the U.S. Revenue is expected to grow to $1 billion by 2008 (Jupiter Research, 2004).

*The average on-line romance seeker belongs to three sites and spends an average of $239 per year for on-line subscriptions (Jupiter Research, 2004).Boomer Population

*Baby Boomers represent 27.5% of the population; over 24 million Boomers are 50+; and by the year 2030, the Baby Boomers will be ages 66-84 and make up 20% of the total population (MetLife's Mature Market Institute, 2003).

*A 50-year-old female can expect to live 82.5 years; a male 78.5 years (The National Center for Health Statistics, 2005).

*Men aged 55+ were more likely than women to be in the labor force (US Census Bureau, April 2003).

*Ten-thousand Baby Boomers a day turn 50-years-old and that almost half of the 23.4 million retirees had $250,000 or more in liquid assets (The Center for Media Research, February 2006).

*Within the 50+ demographic of 51.1 million people, 15.8% drink wine and 29% have visited a gambling casino in the past year (The Center for Media Research, February 2006).
Of the 72 million family households in the U.S., 34 million of them are Baby Boomer households (MetLife's Mature Market Institute, 2003).

*In the 2000 Presidential Election, approximately 59% of Baby Boomers voted and older Boomers (born 1946 to 1955) were more likely to vote than younger Boomers (1956 to 1964) 69% to 56% (MetLife's Mature Market Institute, 2003).

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A Man's View of Dating and Intimacy

A Man's View of Dating and Intimacy

posted by: Ask Dr. Arlene ~ under Dating



" A MAN'S VIEW OF DATING AND INTIMACY ~
...one of the biggest questions among singles is : when is the appropriate time for intimacy?
these interiews express several opinions on the subject.........

Part I.

"There are Things you Know - And Things You Don't Know -
And Things you Don't know You Don't Know-"


RELAX! There will be no man / woman bashing here! Finally a birdseye view of what men really think about the internet/real-time dating scene here in the city of Boca Raton!

The following commentaries were acquired during an interview process with 7 men from the Boca Raton area. The age range of those interviewed was within the age groups of 38-58 years of age.

INTERVIEWS:

Dr. Arlene- Can you tell me what dating is like for men in the Boca area?

John- (age 48) "I can tell you that it is like seaching for a needle in a haystack! Most of the women I've met have been pretty nice people, but there was just no chemistry....thats a difficult thing to define." "I mean, they were ok and all..but we just didn't seem to click.....a lot of women want to know what we do for a living and what kind of car we drive......you kinda get the idea that they're looking for the typical Boca guy with money."

Dr. Arlene- How do you feel about 1st dates..and what is expected of you/your date?

Eric- (age 39) " First dates definitely make me nervous- I've been guilty of completely blowing a first date...sometimes I wonder how I opened my mouth and inserted foot without thinking first!
There was this one girl that I really liked, however I somehow got off on a tangent about my ex-girlfriend and realized about 10 minutes into it that I had lost the window of opportunity for a 2nd date. She stated that she didn't understand why a man would "whine" about his past relationship when he was sitting there with her, and had a chance for a fresh start....why ruin it with discussion of your old baggage from the past....definitely a dating faux paux"!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Arlene - How about kissing or touching on the first date in your 40's or 50's..?

Brian- (age 51) "I think it depends on the woman, I mean...sometimes you just meet that person where everything seems to click and its just the two of you in the room. You can kind of tell that they are feeling the same connection with you. If I take her hand and she gives me the "signal" which is either a look on her face, or some sort of response back.....i.e. reading my palm...touching me back...then I think its just fine..... I don't get the whole "ice queen" thing where women say they are being "mauled" on a first date...you know....if a guy is rude and crude and the woman feels like the "touch" is inappropriate...then she should say so....I guess there are some really rude dudes out there....I've seen it....you know...that kind of behavior in the local bars during happy hour. I guess it can be kinda brutal for women out there depending on the circumstances."

Dr. Arlene- Women often talk about the "re-connect" that they are seeking after a date. Specifically the 24 hour call back time frame...do you know what I'm speaking of?

Kerry- (age 56)- "Oh yes....believe me I've heard of that one, and believe me, I've been accused of not following through myself. Its a funny thing...you know...the line between feeling like someone is needy or whether or not they simply want you to show that you care. I think it all boils down to what that guy said in his book....'He's just not that into you"...if I was really crazy about someone I'd just met....I would usually call her the next day to say I'd had a nice time or even that same evening if it had really gone well. This crazy rule about waiting 24-48 hours to call someone is a game...and I don't like games at this stage of my life. I don't believe in wasting time on that kind of stuff....life is short...and if I genuinely care about someone I've just met...I'll let her know in no uncertain terms."

Dr. Arlene- Many women claim that a lot of men tend to be like kids in a candy store when it comes to internet dating. The most often reported personal offense...is the multi-tasker dater....the man that dates them on Friday night and while telling them that they'd like to see them again....the man is back on the internet that same Friday evening. Its even been stated that the woman could hear the computer blings of emails coming in while talking to her date!Women often see this as an insult...and that the man is not that interested in them.....what's your view as a man?

Michael- (age 49) " I would never do that. If I'm interested in a woman...I concentrate on the woman I'm dating. I think a lot of guys just want to get laid. Hopefully a woman can kind of maneuver her way through this and separate the good guys from the bad. Simply put. It is like being a kid in a candy store. There are a lot of choices out there and a lot of different kind of people wanting different things from one another. Perhaps there is a general climate in this city...especially among our age group...that its ok to just "hook up" for the evening...I don't know if its this city of society in general....but I'm not looking for that kind of relationship. For me, I want to know who the person is and I want something thats going to possibly turn into a long-term relationship. I mean, why start something if you can't see any possiblility for it going anywhere. "
____________________________

Fun Flirty Facts -First Date and Dating Tips for Guys and Girls

"Flirting is good for you! Scientists have determined people who flirt benefit from a higher white blood count, which boosts your immune system and keeps you healthy.

Modern Flirting Involves Technology. A recent Pew Research Study shows 40% of the tech savvy adults flirt via e-mail or instant messaging. They also routinely send sweet and sexy text messages by cell phone.

Make No Mistake. Research has shown men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting. Both sexes make the mistake of engaging in too much eye contact to the point of staring.
Know the Signs. Scientists have identified 52 flirting signals between women and men. These include breaking the touch barrier, paying compliments, duplicate body language and even flipping hair.Common Courtesy and Good Faith Beginnings. Here're some good rules for the road when you're jumping back into the world of dating:

Be honest about your single status and emotional availability. It's not nice to fib about your single status or intentions. Don't hurt innocent women or men who're emotionally honest and vulnerable. Remember, fibbing about your current status makes you a lowly coward. Lying about your emotional availability makes you a candidate for therapy.

Don't make up a lame excuse about why you're not going to follow up after a first date. Use common decency and manners. If you meet someone and don't want to continue seeing them, simply pick up the phone and say it was a pleasure to meet them, but you'd like to remain friends. Be honest and straightforward. It's good manners, good character and the other person will certainly appreciate your honesty.

Conversely, don't take a refusal to continue personally. Not everyone in the world's supposed to be attracted to you - and vice versa. Never sulk. And for goodness sake, don't say anything nasty to someone who said they weren't interested in you. Simply, move on, be gracious about it and look forward to finding your special someone.

Don't assume who'll pay for what. The tradition has been the man always pays for the woman. But, traditions are changing and some men are starting to feel taken advantage of. This is especially true if there's never any reciprocity, or if the dinners and outings are extremely expensive. Women and men should discuss cost sharing before going out.

Don't whisper promises and endearments, and then disappear. If you hit it off, great. Don't be too romantic and promise the moon, because each of us has feelings that can get hurt. Be honest, and be careful about what you say, when you say it and how you say it. Always remember: Would you want someone acting and talking to you like you're talking to them?
___________________________________
The views expressed here are the individual perspectives of those interviewed and do not represent an overall opinion of all persons regarding this subject, nor the specific opinion of the author or this blog.

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"Love" on a Sunday afternoon

ASK DR. ARLENE - dating

The continued search for signs of intelligent life in in Boca Raton through meeting, greeting and all the preliminary rituals of dating

love on a Sunday afternoon, We are so action oriented that we think of love as something to do.

With Valentines day soon approaching, I thought some deep hearted comments about love, dating and the appropriate-and inappropriate behaviors of the human mating rituals were called for........

FIRST- The Philosophy of

LOVE:

"It is the method of merging in ultimate union through the heart. It is dualistic in the sense that one experiences love at first in relation to something or someone separate from oneself. The goal and outcome is non dualistic in the sense that the lover and the beloved merge as one."

It is delicate work in that it is too easy to get too much reward (bliss) from the dualistic stage..that one cannot leave the separateness to proceed to the unitative stage. We are so action oriented that we think of love as something to do. But most people have sadly found that you cannot make love if love does not already exist.

Love has to spring spontaneously from within, and it is in no way amendable from any inner or outer force. Love and coercion can never go together, but love can be awakened within a person through love itself.

Love is essentially self-communicative. Those who do not have it catch it from those who do have it. True love is irresistable unconquerable. It goes on gathering power and spreading itself until eventually it transforms everone it touches.

There are different vehicles of lover for beloved. The essence, the love is the same. What one is loving within the other is love itself. When we say we "fell in love"...we say that the person found the key to unlock the place of your love. When the experience is mutual you can say psychic chemistry allows both partners to fall in love or awaken to love.

Since love is a state of being that state to which we all want to return , we wish to possess love or we try to possess the key but we find that is impossible ....to possess the key is to loose it.

We get attached to the methods and fail to realize that it is the goals and not the method we crave. A relationship that starts out as one that awakens love can only remain a living vehicle for love to the extent that it is continually made new.

Play your role in the divine dance but know it is such and recognize its divinity. -

----------------
OKAY.

Let. Me. Break. It. Down. For. You. The reality of today's dating scene is not as flowery and romantic as the above verse presumes it to be. (This commentary is not gender biased, but rather derived from several interviews with women in the Boca Raton, Fl. area. Their self-reports corroborate a general lack of dignity in dating these days. It is agreed that one must be thick skinned in order to grin and bear the process and be able to roll with the punches that "dating" entails)

THE INTERVIEWS:

Susan:

"Please do not insult us in meeting for a Sunday afternoon bite to eat on a first "date" and fool youself into believing that you have the right to be in our "personal space"....you know...the hand holding, playing with hair, touching waist, kissing...yuck...etc. etc. The audacity???!!!

"Where is the precedence for this seeming familiarity and sense of entitlement?" How presumptuous can men be? It seems quite so. These physical actions send a clear message to most women , that you don't want to really know who they are....but are simply looking for a quick hook-up to ease your loneliness or satiate your pleasure quota for the moment.

Maria:
"Someone please explain to those of us women with half a brain...(c'mon this is not brain surgery)
why guys think they can smooze you, kiss on you, invade your boundaries of respect...finish off their pork dumplings ..and send you off with a kiss or two and a swift adios. "Once we make it clear that we are not interested in going home with you an hour and a half into the date, they cool off and dismiss you and within 24 hours are on the the next "hook-up."

Veronica:

"One of my friends claims that the men have a dating form of ADHD where they can't even concentrate on you for more that 24 hours, and then there they are, right back on the dating sites again."

Elysse:

"Please...keep your hands to yourself and GROW UP!!!!!! "
Any self respecting man that is sincere and wants to make a good impression on a woman, would or should have the social graces by this stage of the game...(c'mon!!) to know how to dance the 'divine dance'...


Karla:

"I'm sorry that you think that hanging out with your boring selves was earth shaking for us. Although it is true that there is a ratio of 10 to 1 in favor of more women to men, and the fact that society has evolved or should I say sunk to new lows again with the expectations that women will simply sleep with men because the pompous guy "expects" it ....many of us women
know who we are and will not fall for your unhealthy "pitch."

Jessica:
This is 2008....we have a woman running for President....do you guys get it.....show us the respect that we deserve...and either 'man up' or don't waste our time.

Dr. Arlene:
On a lighter note....a good male friend of mine requested that we as women, not let the "bad seed" representatives of our male population ruin it for the good guys out there. And...yes indeed there are still good guys around! One of my favorite quotes- "if you don't stand for something-you'll fall for anything" -

Onward my fellow goddesses.....your guy is out there....just don't stop and linger too long among the epidemic of those hanging out in "Clueless Park." :)

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